Anger is the hardest emotion for me to experience. My technique is to never experience it until it burst out into self infliction. It may sound crazy but I need to learn to get angry at others directly because my fear of conflict and not being liked simply means that I suffer in silence until I can’t bear it anymore, at which point I’ll punish myself so I don’t inflict anything upon the person I’m angry towards.
It’s not a good technique, it actually gives more chance of losing that person because of my passive aggression and ultimately immature tantrum. After a while my indirect tactics are ignored and I end up more alone than ever.
While my mental health has improved tenfold, anger is the one thing I haven’t been able to learn how to control in a helpful way. Many people would say they’ve never seen me angry because it’s something that’s done privately and destructively. I throw things, I punch the wall, I cry, I slam doors, I feel like a child, I revert back to that childlike inability to control or understand what’s happening inside my own head.
Luckily is does release everything and afterwards I am able to think more clearly, feeling stupid and confused at what just happened and actually not really caring much about the issue that caused the outburst. I often end up thinking about sad things that have happened to me and then crying until I can’t cry anymore, realising that maybe these events are the reason for my negative and out of proportion reactions.