I’ve been very inactive here lately, what with moving so I thought I should write an update.
In only month there’s been too much happening and it’s been hectic but once again I made it through breathing. There’s been loss both good and bad, crying, hugging and simple getting through. My life is still confirming that it’s not going to give me a break any time soon but I’m making the most of it. I guess it does make things a bit less boring.
So, we moved and it took us two weeks to finally get all of our stuff to our new place. In between that time Leia (on of our rats) needed vet check ups for a lump under her arm, by the end of the second week she was put down due to cancer. I dealt with this surprisingly well and I guess it was a mixture of already dealing with a lot and blocking things out and the fact that she was at the stage that a lot of rats pass naturally unlike Evie, who was still young.
In a way I think I did have a little bit of a breakdown because I was adamant we needed a new sister for Alice although she had two younger girls in with her. And in the midst of this my husband’s bike was stolen which was needed to get to work, resulting in a very stressed and frustrated man who didn’t have a thief to have a go at and no way to get to work and no money to do anything about it. I guess I was just a bit of a buffer until it got sorted out.
Then Lumen arrived. A scared little rat who was being given away for the sake of convenience for the owner. She arrived frightened and skinny and clearly neglected. Of course we fell in love with her instantly, she had a check up and other than her weight and nervous habits it was simply love she needed. Even though it caused more anger and frustration at an animal being treated like trash, she became a happy distraction from recent problems. Although Lumen was meant to be company for Alice, she’s getting very old now and wasn’t interested in making new friends. Luckily the younger girls love her and so I think she will be good company for them when Alice does eventually pass away.
Around this time I also decided on losing weight again. After weeks of stress and mountains of take away, I’d been gaining consistently and got to 13 stone 8, the last time I tried weight watchers my starting weight was 12 stone. I’ve managed to get down to 13st in the few weeks we’ve been here and I mean to go on.
I’ve even got up the courage to ask about a volunteering job. It’s a huge step for me, the only issue is it not paying but that’s the point of being a volunteering job, it’s in a small second hand book store, it’s quiet and I can gain confidence that I can be out in the real world doing regular things. Sure I worry that people will say well if you can do that why can’t you get a paid job but it’ll never be that simple. Volunteering is 100% on my terms, It’s up to me when and if I leave, I can decide when I’m available and when I’m okay enough to deal with it. If anything I have to get through one day first and yes, I’m terrified. If I can’t do this, I’m not sure what I’ll do but I guess we’ll have to see. If only I could figure out why it’s so heart-stoppingly terrifying. I’ve filled out the forms and I just need to take them in tomorrow and I’m good to go. I was genuine and honest with the manager, she asked me why I wanted to volunteer and I told her “I been struggling with depression for a few years and really need something small, somewhere I can feel safe, somewhere quiet where I can build confidence”. The woman smiled at me and said “perfect”.
So that’s everything so far that I can think of, let’s hope the rest of the year lightens up a bit.